I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
