It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
