Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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