Don't you send me to vm
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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