I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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