***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I love having hate sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
