How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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