i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
