i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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