The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
