I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
