Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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