Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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