yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
