How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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