Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
