I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
