i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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