That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
