I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
