i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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