Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
