So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's Friday. Sex?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
