do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
