Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
