And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
