Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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