he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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