everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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