What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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