So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am one with the molecules
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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