OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
