Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
