i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
