Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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