oh god the rape fog is back!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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