This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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