so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
