Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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