I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i now understand why vodka
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
