well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How's work?
Spinning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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