we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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