Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
