I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dignity is for republicans.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
