i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
