Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
