Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
