So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
