just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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