Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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