I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
