C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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