So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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