Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
vagina is talking i cant
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
