Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
