I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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