Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We had to coat check the pizza.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
