I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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