Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
