Apparently you make a good broom.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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