I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm having to shit out rocks
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
