but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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